Expressing Emotions
(Written not long after To Feel Again)
As I mentioned before, I am having to learn how to feel again.
For me, the first step is really learning to know when I am feeling something. When something is actually a problem for me. I have absolutely no problem (generally) saying when I am having positive emotions. It’s the negative ones that are confusing. Maybe it’s just easier to explain the positives than the negatives.The second step is to learn *what* the emotion I am feeling is. Figuring out how to label it, what word actually is what I am feeling. The third step is to learn to express what I am feeling. That’s something I want to learn to do to myself. There are some emotions that you don’t need to express to others, but that you need to take to God. Others might need to be explained to someone else. So, it’s time to learn how to do that. This one is also not easy for me, because I would rather shoulder my own feelings than shove them off on someone else.
The problem with identifying that something is causing me an issue is that most of the time, something will just feel a bit “off” and I won’t know what exactly it is. Other times, it is very obvious what is affecting me.
Generally, I won’t know what exactly it is that I am feeling. Figuring out how to label it, if it’s not something huge, is an issue for me. The problem is, unless you can label what the issue is, you can’t fix it.
Learning to express what I am feeling is the hardest thing ever. In words anyway. I think I generally express my emotions in non-verbal ways. That’s my best way of communication. When I have to explain something or talk through something, I hit a wall. I think there are several reasons for this. One is, I don’t want to give my feelings to someone else to deal with. I would rather help them work through theirs. I’m afraid of how my feelings will affect someone else. Another reason is that I don’t always know how to explain my feelings to myself, so how in the world do you explain them to someone else. Emotional perfectionism… I don’t feel like I SHOULD have some of the feelings that I feel. I think is SHOULD be in control of them. I’m afraid of being vulnerable. Of being hurt again. I generally don’t share my thoughts with people either. Perhaps in both cases I’m afraid of rejection or belittlement. Maybe I’m not confident in what I think and feel. I generally don’t mention my feelings unless someone will ask… and keep pushing when I try to give them a “normal” answer. Some of it could be I don’t want to let someone know that they have hurt me.
I find that it is easier for me if I write what I am feeling instead of talk it out with someone. It also is an opportunity for me to take it to God and give it to Him rather than worry anyone else with it. The thing is, there are some people that you really do need to talk to. People that you need to be comfortable talking to. People that need to know what is going on no matter how hard it is to explain.
It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to show emotion. It’s ok to be vulnerable… to the right people.
“Resolve to express your emotions as you have them. Emotions must be expressed. You can either express them as you have them, or you can put a lot of energy into repressing them and just wind up having to deal with a more powerful version of your emotions later.”
Your signature please!
(From March 23, 2012)
Dear unsaved friend,
Could you please read the following carefully, and then sign it–if you agree to it.
I am resolved to persevere in sin, and follow the maxims and customs of those around me–though it costs me the loss of my soul, and exposes me to everlasting damnation.
I am resolved to reject the Son of God–I will not embrace Him as my Savior, or have Him reign over me. I am resolved that I will not accept the pardon which God presents to me in the gospel, though it cost Jesus His life to procure it–and I know I must eternally perish without it. I am determined not to submit to God’s way of salvation, and I consent to be lost forever! I have made up my mind, that I will never consent to receive a free salvation by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ–I will not have it!
I am resolved . . .
to reject God’s message,
to dare His justice,
to defy His power,
to refuse His mercy,
to brave His threatened wrath, and
to harden myself against all His invitations, expostulations, exhortations, and promises!
I am resolved that I will not . . .
bow to His authority,
yield to His entreaties,
believe on His Son,
repent of my sins,
love His name,
or obey His precepts!
I am determined that there shall never be joy in Heaven among the angels of God–on account of my conversion.
I will never . . .
desert the ranks of Satan,
give up my sinful practices,
ask for mercy at God’s hands,
or take up my cross and follow Christ!
I am resolved . . .
to keep on in my old wicked course,
to persevere in my present sinful path,
to associate with my carnal companions–
and if it secures my eternal damnation–then let it do so!
I will not receive salvation on God’s terms,
I will not stoop to be saved by grace alone,
I will not take the yoke of Christ upon me, and engage to be His subject and servant–even though Heaven and all the glories of eternity would be secured by it.
If I cannot escape the wrath of God–but by faith, repentance, and holiness–why, I am determined go to Hell, for I am resolved not to yield to any such terms!
It is of no use for the preacher to spend His breath upon me! My mind is made up, I will be my own master, I will take my own course! No one has any right to interfere with me–for I shall injure no one but myself!
I have no objection to going to church, or to attending to some religious forms–but to give my heart to God, to be crucified to the present world, and to make God’s glory the end of life–will never do for me; therefore I gladly take the consequences.
If this is required of those who would be true Christians–then you must stop urging me–for I will not yield! You must stop all attempts to convert me, for my mind is made up! I have heard hundreds of sermons, I have read the Bible myself–but I have hardened myself against the whole, and I am not going to yield now!
Tell me no more of the Savior’s love,
tell me no more of the pleasures of holiness,
tell me no more of the terrors of death,
tell me no more of the dreadful judgment,
tell me no more of the joys of Heaven,
tell me no more of the agonies of Hell–
for you will never induce me to yield myself unto God, and seek the salvation of my soul. For my mind is made up, and my daily conduct is enough to convince you of it, if anything would. I am resolved not to yield–let the consequences be what they may!
I will go on just as I have done!
I will not be Christ’s servant!
I will not be God’s child!
I will obey only Satan!
I will follow the course of this evil world!
I will serve my lusts and pleasures!
In proof thereof, witness my signature, ____________.
Will you now sign your name?
Will you now solemnly put your seal to this statement?
Why are you so afraid?
Do not your actions speak louder than your words? Is not your daily practice stronger proof–than just putting your name to a statement once? If you do not say the above in words–yet if you do so in your actions–then where is the difference? Does not God read the language of your life? If you say it in your daily practice–then why not boldly take the pen and openly sign your name?
Soon the judgment shall be set, and the books shall be opened–and your criminality and folly shall be published before assembled worlds!
Well, will you sign the above? Why not? Is it true of you–or is it not?
(by James Smith)
Best Tutor Ever
Once upon a time there was a girl who’s greatest bane seemed to be Algebra. After several years of being defeated by it, a determined adventure was started to make it through to the end. It was an adventure that wasn’t taken alone as a tutor came along side the student and worked for three years (with only one summer off) to accomplish that goal. Algebra 1/2, 1, 2, Geometry and some Trig. were all conquered. After all of that, there came a day when she stepped out of the home that she entered so many times and knew that she wouldn’t be returning for any more adventuring classes. The battle was won.
For anyone who is wondering, my math tutor is the best tutor. ever. And a great traveling companion, friend, and mentor.
Usefulness
“Have you ever considered the possibility that your limitations and your handicaps may prove to be the key to your usefulness in your service of the Lord Jesus Christ?” – Alistair Begg
“Samuel Wilks in the 18th century says, ‘A Christian never falls asleep in the fire or in the water, but grows drowsy in the sunshine.'”
Listen to this talk to students here: http://www.truthforlife.org/resources/sermon/limitations-key-usefulness/
How to Choose to Not Be Offended
This is an excellent post on How to Choose to Not be Offended by Jeremy Statton
“In the same way that we choose to be offended, we can also choose to not be offended…”
The influence of home
“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it!” Proverbs 22:6
If it were possible to trace back to their beginnings, in each individual, those good or evil impulses which have become ruling affections–in most cases the origin would not be found until we had reached the home of childhood. Here it is that impressions are made, which become as enduring as existence itself. But the influence of home is not beneficial or baneful in early years alone. Wherever a home exists, there will be found the nursery of all that is excellent in social or civil life–or of all that is deformed.
Every man and woman we meet in society, exhibit, in unmistakable characters–the quality of their homes. The wife, the husband, the children–bear with them daily a portion of the spirit pervading the little circle from which they have come forth. If the sun shines there–a light will be on their countenances; but shadows–if clouds are in the sky of home.
If there is disorder, defect of principle, discord among the members, neglect of duty, and absence of kind attentions–then the sphere of those who constitute that home, can hardly be beneficial. They will add little to the common stock of good in the social life around them. We need not say how different will be the influence of those whose home-circle is pervaded by higher, purer, and truer principles.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it!” Proverbs 22:6
I would rather be…
”I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, been born in God’s thought, and then made by God, is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.” – George McDonald
Story
– A post that has been in the works for quite some time –
“If we despise the day of small beginnings, we despise God’s plan for the universe.” – Doug Wilson
Stories. They are beautiful things. I love reading stories. I love listening to stories. I know I am part of a story. The hardest part of stories is not knowing the ending when some trouble comes up. When reading, it is easy because you can continue to flip the pages, reading quickly to learn what happens next… to find out what the ending is. But being in the middle of a story and not being able to continue to flip the pages quickly to learn what happens, how the story ends, but to watch the ink as it is put on the page, one line at a time and slowly the page unfurls… that is hard. Someday, being able to read the story will be great… knowing the end or being able to race to it. Today isn’t that day. Today is a day of patience and a day of trust. Today is a day of letting go and a day of submission. Today is a day of peace and a day of joy. Today is a hard day, but, at the same time, an easy day. Somedays it would be nice to be able to race to the end, but then, what would be the point? It would be done with. It would be over. You are living a story and it is beautiful. You won’t know what comes next, but you know the One that is writing the story.
“Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we know not where we go, we know with whom we go…. The journey may be long, but His everlasting arms will carry us to the end.” – C.H. Spurgeon
Every story must have its troubles, otherwise it would not be a story. What is past is done. Once it is confessed and forgiven, it is truly past. The only thing you can focus on at this point is what you are to be doing right now. Often at Appleseed events I am telling people what one wise instructor told me. “Leave the last shot, you can’t change it. Make the next shot count. Don’t let the last one psych you out. Focus on taking the next one correctly. You can’t affect the last shot, but you can put the next one right where you want it.” I hadn’t really thought about it except for in Appleseed terms, but it is true of life.
God is the Master Story Writer/Teller. His timing is perfect. Everything he includes in your story has a purpose, it just isn’t always obvious what that purpose is. You are a child of God and He will give you His best for what you need. The story is in his hands. He knows the situations that you will be in long before you were even thought of on earth. God writes amazing stories, full of joy and sorrow, harmony and conflict, light and dark. If there was no sorrow, no pain, no conflict, no dark… there would be no story. There would be no contrast.
“God’s triumphs are cleverly disguised as disasters.” – Doug Wilson
“We wouldn’t choose the story that God tells in our lives, but God knows better. He weaves the dark shadows into our stories so that the light of His grace and mercy shines brighter.” – Toby Sumpter
“Your past does not hold you. Your failures do not imprison you. Your weakness cannot hold you back, because Jesus has made you right with God.” – Toby Sumpter
I think one of the hardest things is when you come to the end of a particular chapter. You don’t know where you are going from here. You don’t know if paths crossed for a time or for a lifetime. You don’t know what the conclusion of this chapter will be or the beginning of the next. But you have to trust that God knows the desires of your heart and that if it is His will, in your best interest, those desires will be filled. However, you also have to trust that if your desires are not in accord with His will, your desires will be shaped to His will. They will be changed.
There are some days when I get impatient and others when patience comes a lot easier. I am learning. Each story happens one line at a time and there’s no sense in trying to flip through the pages of life just to see what comes next. It’s short enough as it is! Like Pastor Wilson said in that last week’s sermon, “We have to trust. It’s up to the Lord of the story.” Some days trusting the Master Storywriter is easy, other days it’s hard. Welcome to life. 😉
One nice thing is that peace follows closely on the heels of trust.
If we say we trust God, then we must trust him. No matter how hard or frustrating it is. We serve the One who sees all ends. His plan is extraordinary. I won’t pretend to understand it all, because I can’t. But I can have confidence that He knows what He’s doing and it will be very good.
“To get where we are going, we have to do a lot more dying, a lot more going into the ground, a lot more giving ourselves away. … Think like a seed. … It is to go in the ground and die, expecting great things to result from it.” – Doug Wilson
Philippians 1:6 “… Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ…”
1 Peter 1:6 “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that parishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope”
Patience
– Another blast from the past that was hiding out in the draft box… –
Patience is rather illusive at times. However, it does not take long to realize that it is most definitely important to learn and cultivate.
One definition of the word “patience” is as follows: an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness; quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence
Sounds like something really good, right?
In 2 Peter 1 there is a list of things that we should be sure to work on. Faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness, charity. In. That. Order. If we have those things, we will not be unfruitful, but if we lack them, we will be blind and “cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.”
Obviously, this thing… This patience… is important.
I think patience is tied closely with trust and contentment. Generally, it seems like the times I’m most patient are the times when I let go understanding that God has everything under control, trust Him with the outcome, and am content with where I am at right now. In Jeremiah 29, there is a promise that the Lord has plans for me that are not of evil, but of peace, to give me a future and a hope. So why is it hard to be patient, trust, and be content?
It seems like a lot of the places in the Bible where patience is mentioned, it is with a promise attached. Check out Hebrews 10:36, Psalm 37:7-9, Galatians 6:9, James 5:7-8 (really like this one), Isaiah 40:31, Romans 2:6-7, and Romans 8:24-25 for examples.
Patience is one of the fruit of the Spirit. Patience is to be done with joyfulness – see Colossians 1:10-12
Nobody says patience is easy… Nobody says it comes to us naturally… Nobody really says what patience IS, what it looks like, how you know if you “have” it. Maybe it’s the peace that comes after letting go of something you really want and trust God with it. Maybe it’s the process of waiting, but not just sitting around doing nothing. Maybe it’s something like being content.
Sometimes I look up synonyms to get a bigger picture of a word that I’m thinking of. So, here are some of the synonyms for patience are: calmness, composure, constancy, diligence, endurance, equanimity, even temper, forbearance, fortitude, grit, humility, long-suffering, moderation, perseverance, persistence, poise, self-control, serenity, submission, yielding…
Seems to me the times to be patient are the times when it’s hardest to be. During times of waiting, strain, provocation, danger, stress, excitement…
I don’t go for the idea that patience is a passive (I’m-just-waiting) kind of thing. It seems like it’s actually pretty active. Suppressing restlessness? Steady perseverance? Diligence? You can’t really do those things with the twiddling of thumbs and staring at the ceiling. Ok, so maybe you can be diligent to stare at the ceiling, persevere in the twiddling of thumbs as they ache from the repetition of such an activity, and suppress the restlessness that will no doubt be present in that situation…
According to Elisabeth Elliot, it seems like patience would be “keep faith and wait quietly”:
“Few of us enjoy having to wait for something we want. It is human nature to desire instant gratification, and it is divine nature to do many things very, very slowly. Growth is always imperceptible. But the farmer exercises long patience in waiting for his crop. He has done his work and is assured of the result, hence he waits quietly. He is at rest because the outcome (barring disastrous “acts of God”) is certain. If we could simply remember that this is true of everything–that God’s purposes are slowly being worked out for his glory and our good–we would, like the farmer, keep faith and wait quietly.
Lord, take from us all fretting and hurrying and teach us to rest our hearts in the “ultimate certainty” (Jas 5:7 JBP).” – Elisabeth Elliot
And since I like to be somewhat random:
“Cast not away your confidence because God defers his performances. That which does not come in your time, will be hastened in his time, which is always the more convenient season. God will work when he pleases, how he pleases, and by what means he pleases. He is not bound to keep our time, but he will perform his word, honour our faith, and reward them that diligently seek him.” ~ Matthew Henry
The Little Adventures of Western Rose 