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A Scramble Of Thoughts

July 31, 2012 Leave a comment

A lot has been going through this head of mine lately. Sometimes it’s a confusing web of thoughts that are all tangled up together, other times a clear thought will stand out. I’ll try not to take you into the web as I haven’t figured that out yet.

What I have discovered is that one of the most difficult things for me to do is to trust. If I had to try to explain why, it would be something along the lines of having trusted and having that trust broken years ago. Knowing how much I can hurt makes it harder to be vulnerable again. However, I can’t live life not feeling, not trusting. I have to trust God.

“You become more like what you believe.” Hang on just a moment and I hope that will clearly tie into what I’m about to say. As I was thinking about trust and how hard and (yes) scary it is, I began to wonder if when I don’t trust, it’s because I don’t really believe that God is trustworthy. And that, my friends, is both ridiculous and wrong. God has proven over and over that he is worthy of my trust. So, why do I hesitate? What makes it so hard? Why do I fear to trust? God is faithful. God is good. He wants us to trust. He won’t give us more than we can handle with His strength. God is bigger. God is great. He won’t leave you alone. So, since God is trustworthy, then so should I be. I should also know and be able to trust Him. And you know what? I think I have finally gotten to where I can say that I do. God has said He is trustworthy. Far be it from me to believe that what He says is a lie. That is just plain wrong.

For now, I think the wall that I put up has been coming down. Slowly, piece by piece, God has been teaching me to trust again. No, this isn’t a sudden thing. It has been a healing process over the past year or so. I think I just lately realized it though. It’s not easy. It’s something that is rather frightening. I think, that the hardest part for me right now is actually admitting that I do trust. Admitting that I can be hurt like that again. But you know what? It’s ok, because I don’t have to carry that load. I’ve got my God and He’s bigger than any of my troubles, worries, doubts, or hurts.

I must say, I have been blessed by friends, family, and situations that have caused me to think and evaluate myself and my desires quite a bit lately. And I dare say those quiet mornings watching the sunrise and the still evenings/nights watching the sunset or the stars silently join each other to form a multitude have been very conducive to thought and prayer. Those times are both peaceful and restful. It’s actually kind of nice to realize that I am so small, but I have a great God. To know I don’t have to worry. To learn to trust again.

 “And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.” – Psalm 9:10

“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.” – Psalm 91:2

Weekly Photo Challenge: Purple

July 30, 2012 Leave a comment

Looking toward the Sun

Weekly Photo Challenge: Inside

July 30, 2012 Leave a comment

‘Tater hides inside when shooting is going on…

A bit of “Redneck Fun”

 

Goodbyes

July 28, 2012 Leave a comment

Why do goodbyes always come too soon? Are we ever actually ready to say goodbye, to let go?

Whether it is goodbye to family members, close friends, or a chapter in your life, are you prepared to say goodbye or to leave that part of your story behind? I don’t think so… Or at least, I never feel that way.

Sometimes it’s easier to say goodbye to someone when you know when you will see them again. It’s helpful to have memories, pictures and phone calls, but that’s not the same as having them with you. It’s not the same as being able to sit out on the chicken run and watch the sunset going down while you talk about things that you have only thought of before and are just now being spoken and put into words. It’s not the same as sitting in the moonlight, under the stars on the rifle range relaxing together and not even needing words to say what is on your mind because you all already know. How do you do *that* on the phone? It’s not the same as being able to hold each person close or watch their expressions as you listen. I’m never ready for that last goodbye, or see ya. I know myself well enough to know that I start to pull away early when I can feel it coming, but that doesn’t help and just steals some of the time that you have together. Gotta enjoy the time you have, the memories, the pictures, the phone calls… After goodbyes happen, things seem to go back to the same… but you aren’t the same. That time together has added memories, conversations, advise, and so much more.

I don’t know about you, but for me it’s scary to leave a chapter in my story to move on to the next. It’s scary to feel unprepared for something and have to do it anyway. But then, if we don’t take that step out in faith, what would we do? Stay in this chapter forever? Sometimes we have to be pushed into doing something despite the fear. Sometimes staying put for too long, especially if it’s time to move, just makes it so much harder. There is so much that God has planned for each person, but if you don’t take that next step, you’ll never know. You’ll never experience that blessing. Yeah, it’s scary, but God has proven again and again that He’s here. That He’ll give the strength for what comes next. That He’ll heal the pain, the brokenness, the past. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, it will hurt. Give thanks in everything. Look around you. See the beauty? See the blessings? See the promises? Be thankful.

“Thus saith the Lord the maker thereof, the Lord that formed it, to establish it; the Lord is his name; Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for peace and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord. …”

Observations

July 19, 2012 2 comments
 

Observations of the evening:

#1: Salads grow into the bowl size you use to make them in… every time. Big bro, you had better be bringing a monster appetite!

#2: Making food for several people should not come right after dinner because taste-testing is a must.

#3: Listening to Newworldson while working in the kitchen might not be the brightest idea, but it’s still a lot of fun.

#4: Younger brothers are awesome when it comes to cleaning rifles.

#5: Being able to cross things off the “to do” list is a really good thing…

#6: Finishing homework is a good thing and listening to The Piano Guys while studying is great.

#7: Reading your assignments whenever you have a tiny bit of downtime really helps cut down on what you have to do later.

#8: Taking a test a day early is not a bad thing and can take off some of the stress of what you have to get done the next day.

#9: Staying up late is not for me, but sometimes must be done.

#10: I am very blessed and have much to be thankful for.

      
     

Weekly Photo Challenge: Dreaming

July 17, 2012 Leave a comment

The tracks to the future…

Weekly Photo Challenge: Movement

July 9, 2012 Leave a comment

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